OBAMA, THE DUTCH PRESIDENT
By Greg Shapiro

Since Inauguration Day last month, President Obama has had quite a Honeymoon with the press. He probably has another week left to save the world before the US press tears him to shreds. But in Holland, the Honeymoon continues. According to the Dutch press, ‘It is impossible to make fun of Obama.’ (I say ‘Yes we can!’) But with Holland so in love with Obama, it’s fair to ask: ‘Is Obama Dutch?’

- Some of Obama’s ancestors trace back to the Pilgrims of Leiden from the 1600s. Yes, when your brand of religion is too extreme even for the Dutch, you move to America. Of course – judging by ancestors – half of Obama’s are Muslim. Just like Holland!

- When Obama was 4 years old, his nanny was a Dutch woman named Ans Michels, who now lives in Nijmegen. Also, Obama has admitted that – in his youth he smoked marijuana (and unlike Clinton, he did inhale). There’s no proof that Obama got his weed from Ans, but do you think a Dutch girl went to Hawaii in the 60’s NOT to get high? While Obama shows no signs of following Dutch drug policy, he does a personal addiction to sending emails by ‘Crackberry.’

- Obama likes meetings. When reporters ask for specifics on topics from Guantanamo Bay to Cabon Trading, and the answer is ‘We’re having meetings.’ This is Obama at his most-Dutch. Dutch people love meetings. Ask a Dutch person how he feels about meetings, and he’ll tell you: ‘I don’t know. First, we have to schedule a meeting about meetings, and then the meeting, and then a post-meeting meeting to see how we felt about the meeting about meetings.’

Is Obama really Dutch? You’d have to ask Dutch people. And then wait for them to have their meeting.

[Nederland’s favorite American comedian gives commentary from his 2-man show ‘Bye-Bye Bush’]

On the 20th of January, America gets a new President, and the whole world will breathe a sigh of relief. They will then hold their collective breath to see if Obama can actually fix any of the enormous problems left behind at the White House. As the symbol of America, it’s a bit of a ‘fixer-upper.’ Dutch people still congratulate me on having a new president who can actually speak English, but they always follow up with pity for Obama. Can he really solve all the world’s problems in the first 100 days? According to Obama: ‘Don’t hold your breath.’

Obama may not be able to perform miracles, but the cynical Dutch are still hoping, ‘yes he can.’ I was doing onstreet promotions for Comedy Central with a life-size Obama and a life-size McCain to see who would pose for a photo. The McCain figure looked pretty good. But they did some odd photo-shopping with Obama: he was wearing an odd shirt & tie and an awful suit from the 90’s. Even so, Dutch people went for Obama 90% of the time. Not just posing for a photo, but talking to him, coaching him, praying for him. The Bible says not to worship false idols, but Dutch people were literally worshipping a cardboard cutout.

Clearly, it would take a miracle for Obama to achieve everything he promised. But – as my Dutch wife points out – he already performed one miracle just by winning.